Unlike the "civilized" days (April 10-13, 1979) of the Net, today the Internet is a vast digital communication organism in which anyone, regardless of whether or not they have taken their medication, can post their ideas, opinions, private parts, products, religious opinions and services conveniently on their own Web Site.

I cite for example a Danish Doctor name Jørn Ege Siana, "a specialist in plastic surgery in Denmark, Sweden and Germany. He owns clinics in Copenhagen, Berlin and New York", who is using the Web in a commercial attempt to help people (men people) to broaden their horizons, so to speak.

Before I continue, let me explain that having been a Web site producer since 1994, it's almost as important as keeping your content topical as it is to spend the time getting your site listed in key search engines, so your site will be easy to find. I've spent a lot of time on this, personally, while many of you were possibly doing more productive things like going out on dates or to parties.

Some six months ago, and again this morning, I saw a "search the Net" box on a page "pushed" into my morning email. So I typed in "JES" and waited patiently while the results were delivered unto me. I've done this a lot of times, and usually find my own site mixed in with quite a few references to Jesus-related sites.

But not today. It turns out, appropriately enough, that the search box queried Excite.com's archives, and the first two links were to none other than "The JES Extender", which, according to its lead-in page, "is the only medical method for lengthening the (word that would get this site banned by some filters, so let's just say "Johnson") without surgery." What's more, the search search query results informed me that it was "68% sure" that this is what I wanted.

Being the kind of investigative journalist that I am, meaning that I'll go to any length of effort to research something, provided that I can do it from my keyboard, I just had to check this out.

What I found, and bear in mind that it's a lucky thing that the printed form of this column doesn't allow for pictures, (but you CAN see a picture of this on my Web site; also Dr. JES') was a picture of a device whose design might have been inspired by the Spanish Inquisition, along with the text (and I swear I'm not making any of this up):

"By using the JES Extender for a few months, an average extension of 2,8 cm and up to 5 cm has been achieved. The achieved extension is permanent and without side effects. It does not affect sexual potency or fertility."

Well that's a relief. Who would want any side effects from a device one would possibly wear if they wanted to pony up $990US and wanted to wait up to 15 days for actual receipt of said device, but with only a two-week money-back guarantee. Perhaps fortuitously, Dr. Jørn Ege Siana has not seen an American Television Infomercial, with actual testimonials from, umm, satisfied customers.

It does NOT mention anywhere on this site if this device will improve your bowling average, but one could guess that you, as a JES Extension customer, would probably feel more comfortable wearing a Speedo. Although Speedos make anyone who is not a professional cliff diver look more or less like an Oscar Mayer product.

While we at the "other" JES have helped lengthen people's careers in Data Processing - without surgery - for many years, we have not once had to involve any bizarre hardware apparatus in the process, unless you count the foot pedal on some of our older keyboards.

I still have not decided whether or not we want to associate with this product. If any of you 15 confirmed readers of this column decide to check out the JES Extender, please, do NOT let us know about it.

In the meantime, next time you search for JES in a search engine, if you'll add the word "training" to your search, we're more than 68% sure that you'll end up in the right place.

See you next issue.

Jon Sisk
www.jes.com

Original article for Computing News & Review, June, 1997

Copyright © 1997 Jonathan E. Sisk.